An Elemental Soul

Have you ever wondered when you are asked that inevitable question, 'what makes you tick?' Sometimes people have to stop and contemplate, what does make me tick? Then comes the usual follow up question, 'who am I' ? It has taken me over 30 years to figure out the answer to that very trying question. Now I can accurately answer. Although I do not know exactly why I am still on this earth after surviving SO much crap, I can say I know what makes me tick. Which undoubtedly leads to who I am.

After years of finding my faith from one church to another and one religion to the next, I know for certain that I have always feel at one with nature. I never really took advantage of the immensely gorgeous planet we live on. I never tried to gaze up at the clouds and think about something other than what does this cloud look like or that. Now, I imagine, what else has this sky covered? Who else has seen this sky? I gaze up at the moon and think, WOW! I wonder who else is seeing this exceptional beauty? I step out into the rain and remember being locked up in a hospital for months at a time looking out a hospital window wondering, will I ever smell the rain again? Will I ever get to feel the cool rain fall onto my body again? I still to this day sit on a grassy grove and am grateful for it being there to comfort me. I have always been fascinated by nature and all it's incredible beauty.

I know now that perhaps what I love the most about nature is the rain. It cleanses the earth. It clears the air. It calms the heat and it soothes the human soul. When I look at a burning candle, I think about how for a long time, this was the only source of lighting. There wasn't always central air/heat in homes and businesses across the globe. That is fairly new. The fire can be so beautiful and so deadly at the same time. Part of why I always respected it so. Water, my element, has also been so fascinating to me for many reasons. It is nurturing to the sick, it brings plant life back to life, it helps heal wounds, and it holds life as we know it. It is almost an entity of it's own and it simply cannot be destroyed. It is everywhere, even in the desert. Maybe not in the form we may need it to be in the desert, but it is there.... in us. In every living being on Earth.

I once took a trip out into the hill country in Central Texas. I looked up the weather forecast before I left so I made pretty sure of what to expect. I drove for about 30 minutes outside of the city in which I used to live and I parked my car and began to walk. I had one umbrella in hand and a towel in the other. My cell phone, wallet and watch all remained locked inside. I hiked up to the top of the hill and awaited. It was a good 10 minutes of a wait until the thunderstorm came through. I must admit. It was extremely fascinating. Just before the storm, it grew eerily silent. I could literally hear my heart beating. Suddenly, the thunder made the storm's announcement to all in it's way that it had arrived and before I knew it, for about a mile around me, with not a single other human soul in my company or my surrounding view, it was louder than the rushing streets of New York City at mid day. I thought to myself, I should have brought some ear plugs, because the storm was deafening. Oh well, I didn't care. I wanted to experience all of it. The air was rich with the intoxicating and very distinct scent of rain and Earth. The wind blew chills up my spine as I help onto a nearby branch of a mesquite tree. The sky illuminated in such force that seemed to mimic a Christmas display at a shopping mall. I was amazed. The intensity lasted about 30 minutes and all too soon, the storm came to a close. The wind weakened, the rain fell in a whisper, and the lightning died to a distant flicker.

It was on my way back to the car when I was hit by another surprise. Rain. Nothing more or less than rain. No torrential wind, no brilliant works of light, no roaring crashes in the heavens, just rain. I sat on the hood of my already washed car and lied down along it. I looked up into the soaked sky and was in awe of the slightly startling but awesome rain. If you ever get to look directly up into the rain, it is quite an experience to say the least. Literally millions of droplets of water spraying down at you from the sky at a faster speed that we give thought to, usually at a cooler temperature than we think, is simply breathtaking. I sat there thinking, I am so pleased to be witnessing this. I should be dead, but I'm not. I am here, now. I am witnessing this simple wonder. An everyday occurrence and I am taking it all in. I began to cry. I felt humble, meek, and proud all at once.

The rain is part of my personality, like a chameleon changing from one pattern to the next. Like a caterpillar morphing into a beautiful and peaceful butterfly. Like the earth in the rain, I am forever cleansed, again and again, and again. I feel it to be an awesome thing to know that even though I am not perfect and I screw up from time to time, I feel good knowing I can be cleansed and I can start again. I am a proud water sign. That is what makes me tick.